Resurrection

I was not always this enthusiastic about learning and sharing-my friends even called me “snob”, “selfish”, and “indecisive”. Until some point last year, my mind was constantly adrift-I can say I was kind of lost in my own worries, dilemmas, and uncertainties. Moreover, I felt rather redundant with the impression that I was nearly burnt out.

I frequently fantasized about quitting my job in search of new adventures even though they might not have looked very promising. That was like I was rotting within, but I was too scared to confess it to myself or anybody else.

However, it all changed when ,one day, it was announced that our school was to adopt a new system with the intention of putting learners in the center. I thought that was the divine call I had been expecting to carry on, thus I made up my mind-and that does not usually happen so quickly- to try to give myself a chance.

This in my head, I volunteered for my present position-a learning unit head- at school. I was craving for a key role in the process of transformation sensed in the air- I doubtlessly wanted to change and let change.

When I found out a couple of days later that my wish was granted, I hardly found any words to describe my jubilation.  At the same time, I was well aware of the challenge of having to resurrect, and I knew it would not be very easy.

On the first few days, I was still not sure what might be lying ahead, but it did not take long for me to realize that I had been underestimating the process of transformation. As the new school season kicked off, the pressure was everywhere, and it was like trying to swim against giant waves. Although I did my best-at least I believed so- I was unable to put things together; also, I was miles far from putting a smile on people’s faces.

I must not go without saying that there even were times when I was discouraged and determined to give up. The number of the nights through restless sleeping were increasing, and I was scared again of losing my control messing everything up.

To be honest, I could have really ruined things if it had not been for the comforting words and endless enthusiasm of especially two friends of mine, Aysun Güneş and Aylin Ceylan as well as the invaluable support from Handan Kopkallı Yavuz, the director of the School of Foreign Languages of Anadolu University, who always expressed her trust in all of us and appreciated the efforts we were making.

Guided by those inspiring people, there arrived a time of seeing things more clearly. I began to wake up to every new day regenerated, and the positivism I harbored started to bear fruit. I was on the way of being a man seeking to motivate his colleagues so that they would successfully motivate their students. My new aim was leading me to spend more time reading books of psychology, E.L.T journals and any blog I could find on the net to be able to serve better.

It was all like some unseen force was in effect blessing me with illumination. I myself found it hard to believe what was happening, yet I had no complaints. Looking back in time as I write these lines, I understand I was too weak to undertake the challenge of transformation, but I grew stronger through each difficulty faced-I still cannot even comprehend how I got to decide to share my reflections as a blogger.

There are millions of other things I can write about the steps that have brought me to this point, but I feel it is best to cut a little shorter for this post. Those of you who read my reflections might assume those other things are not worth mentioning or I am running away, yet that is not the case. I promise I will give more details and share anecdotes about how I have become a different man and what I hope to do on the days to come. For now, I thank everybody for sparing time to pay a visit to my world of teaching and changing; I wish the very best for all of you.

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3 responses to “Resurrection

  1. same feelings, same thoughts here.. 🙂
    I thank you (and Aysun of course) for the support as well 🙂

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